Clash of the Titans
If you’re like me you go into each and every movie with one single goal in mind – to count the number of accidental up-skirt shots on men. And let me tell you, Clash of the Titans breaks all records in that category! However, there is one scene early on that is horrific…and hairy. One of the first things you learn in film school is that if you have a scene of an old, hairy hairy hairy skirt wearing man sitting with his knees up on the beach you never, ever pan down. Ever. Alas, such rookie mistakes are common in this film.
The CGI monsters in the film can’t decide if they’re crappy in a clever throw back to the original….or just crappy. The desert sorcerers, “the Jin”, could be replaced with a 2×4 and two christmas lights for eyes and emote better. (Also, it’s an interesting choice to make the Jin, dressed as Arab nomads, to have the natural ability to be suicide bombers).
Still, the movie is educational. For instance, I never knew the ancient phrase, “Calm your storm” means to prematurely ejaculate in lieu of death boat sex.
In the end, despite the approximately 1,531,351,647,133 male upskirt shots, I have to give Clash of the Titans:
-907531970513.53197975138 Balls of Fury
