Archive for the ‘wolverine’ tag
X-Men Origins: Wolverine
I have a fairly good knowledge of the Marvel Universe. So, I know all the script writing process of these X-Men movies has been to chop up the source material, put it in some chili, let the chili sit out in the sun for a few days, add in some broken glass. Eat said chili and have explosive, bloody, diarrhea on some paper to make the script.
Still, overall, I enjoyed the X-Men movies overall…so what about the first of the many solo movies – Wolverine?
Hugh Jackman stars as Wolverine’s dad, and then, later, as the titular character. In a tramatic incident, he finds out he has claws and runs away with his brother to fulfill their dream of leaving the cursed land of Canada and go to America to fight in every war from the Civil War through the Vietnam war for good old U.S.A.!
He decides he doesn’t want to kill people anymore and decide to go back to the cursed land of Canada to help destroy the environment by over lumbering the forest. He also finds a sexy teacher to have sex with and they need to buy new sheets at an alarming rate.
So far, I’m thinking, this has all the pieces of the classic Canada bashing film and I’m all on board.
Then sexy wife dies, Wolverine gets pissed and a bunch of crap blows up and his old secret war buddies come in and out of frame as they try to piece together some semblance of plot.
Unfortunantly, once the movie moves away from overt Canada bashing it goes downhill fast.
Finally a twist happens and Wolverine gets even madder and causes the Three Mile Island incident. Gambit would’ve helped more, but he took a loooong time to find a good landing spot for his plane.
In between, the character cyclops is introduced, but kept blind folded through out the events as to not ruin continuity for the previous movies that really happen in the future. All because they needed an excuse for a decapitated head to further pollute the environment by ruining a perfectly clean running nuclear reactor.
Finally Wolverine loses his memory and some kids are rescued by a mannequin who has a helicopter.
All in all, not a very good film despite it’s Canada bashing ambitions.
I give it -13057891370931.315135135 Balls of Fury