A special message from Takeda Manamoto:

[RSshruew]

A special message from Takeda Manamoto:

Hello, Manamoto here.  As you know, it is my duty to the community to eliminate ninja and ninja-related activity.  This includes investigating the discharge of smoke bombs, the throwing of Chinese stars, aka the shuriken, or the assignation attempts that generally surround these activities. 

I take my duties seriously and I hope that my presence in our community has had a net positive effect on us all.  In my last community satisfaction survey, a few common questions came up that I’d like to answer now.

The first question is: Is exposing your genitals to small children part of your regular activities in vanquishing our enemies?

The answer to this question is simple.  No, exposing my ninja hunting baby maker is not part of the regular part of fighting ninjas.  However, during the course of combat, my robes may be torn or tattered.  Or, I may have to do a flip and have forgotten to wear my thong that day and inadvertently exposed myself to bystanders.  Still, on rarer occasions, the belt of my robe my fail and I’ll find myself fully exposed to anyone around me.  If those around me so happen to be little children, I see little that I can do about it.

The second question revolves around the tendency of me to be around schools and/our playgrounds.  The question, specifically, is – what’s up with that?

Unfortunately, ninjas are devious and evil.  Their plots often involve our younger, weaker citizens as they are often can put up limited means of counter-attack.  That is why I play such and important role in our community.

The final question shows a perception of me that disturbs me to the most.  It asks, how come there hasn’t been a single ninja attack recorded in the last ten years yet the complaints of you exposing yourself are increasing every year?

This shows how effective I really am.  As previously noted I will inadvertently show my man-chucks in the course of battle.  The fact that no ninja battle has been recorded only shows how great I am.  You see, you are seeing me after the battle has occurred and I have already saved the day.  The correlation to battle induced exposition and ninja attacks are clear.  I should be commended for my duties!

I hope this has served as a valuable forum and showcases why I should remain the city of New York’s premier counter ninja operative.

If you see me in the streets, please do not hesitate to come by and give your thanks. 

I’m also available to perform at your children’s birthday parties.  Goodnight.

[Rom]

I say pedo.

[RSshruew]

Takeda here, you might be wondering why I'm standing out here in the middle of winter in nothing but my special ninja-hunting thong.  It's because I'm sexy.  Sexy like Wulliver's Donuts.

I know you have lots of choices when selecting cream filled donuts.  There are national and local brands.  But, none of them have the sexiness of Wulliver's. 

Let's talk about the cream.  Cream, as you know, is the sexiest part of the donut.  That's why Wulliver's use my very own Takeda Cream.  Each gooey center of the donut is teaming with my cream.

Every morning I wake up and make my cream for Wulliver's.  It's a long and arduous process.  I can only make so much cream at any given time.  That's why each Wulliver's Donut is extra special.

Wulliver's Donuts.  Sexy.  Creamy.  Filled with my cream.  Every morning. 

[Rom]

I say creamy pedo.

[RSshruew]

Hi Manamoto here, back from a temporary vacation where I had limited ability to patrol my neighborhoods or give updates to you.

I am pleased to announce that children are our future.  And I have taken the mantle to teach them well.  That is why I am pleased to announce the grand opening of --

Takeda Manamoto's Child Learning Depot and Orphanarium!

But, don't take my word for it, here is young Yakov Lechenko who I recently adopted from the Ukraine.

"Hello, for long lives all I have dreams of is playing American Football as situational pass rusher.  I used to practice long time sitting on bed waiting for situation and then rushing when situation occured.

I am much thankful to Takeda for adopting me from my parents for one slightly used yak.  He teaches me all I wants to know about being situational pass rusher for American Football teams. 

He has touch me to crouch over, to rush and tackle from the rear and the after practice shower.  Soon my dreams of being a situation pass rusher will not be dream - they will be truth."

Hahaha, thank you young Lechenko.  As you can see, we do a lot of good here at the Takeda Manamoto's Child Learning Depot and Orphanarium.

With your kind donations today, we can touch many hopeless children throughout the world!

[chillybilly]

Dear Mr. Manamoto,

I am writing you because of the letter our son, Yakov, sent to us.  In his letter, he states, "Mr. Manamoto has taught me much about situational pass rushing including many rules of football I didn't know of.  For example, half time really means all players must remove the lower half of their clothing and play the game while exposing themselves.  He teaches me many great things.  Mr. Manamoto has even suggested turning me into a hybrid situational pass rusher slash offensive center during the second half."

Since our little Yakov was the age of 4, he has dreamed of rushing the passer situationally.  I write to you now to ask if you really believe Yakov could become an effective center and whether he has the talent within himself to become a rusher slash center in the great game of football American.

Olog Lechenko

P.S. what is this "QB Sneak" my son speaks of?

[Rom]

Great to see that you homos are so freakin' creative.....really.

[Bear]

Oooohhh, THe green eyed monster of jealousy rears it's ugly head.

[RSthorn]

scary... but there is some real talent here.

[RSshruew]

Hello, Takeda here!

First to the letter from "chillybilly" -- you are clearly an insane person as, for children safety, we do not allow the children at Takeda Manamoto's Child Learning Depot and Orphanarium to write home.  It's to excel their learning!

Although we do great work at Takeda Manamoto's Child Learning Depot and Orphanarium, that isn't what I want to talk about today.

I want to introduce you all to an ancient Japanese sport that will be sweeping the nation - 球が強く打った事の古代ゲーム [translated: The Ancient Game of Ball Slapping] - pronounced Mahj Jah Dong 

Sounds exciting, doesn't it?  Let's go through the rules!

This is a one on one or team sport, however, the player's of both sides must be of even numbers.  Each member of the team must have at least one testical.  If they do not, they are disqualified and the other team is allowed to "team up" on a remaining opponent.

A drawing of chopsticks is done with one shortened stick.  The drawer of the short stick goes first.

The first player approaches their opponent slowly while the opponent removes their clothes.  Carefully sizing up their opponents testicals, the first player slaps them as hard as possible.

Now, it's the opponents turn!  He repeats the steps that were done to him.

The two players go back and forth like this until one of them falls over in pain.  If there are more than one player per team, the first player of the next round is from the team of the player who successfully slapped balls till submission.

As the teams become uneven due to submission, unused players may "team up" and double slap an opponent.  The opponent can only make one slapping motion, but may line up the opposing testicals to try to swat at both sets.

The game continues until all the players on one team are on the ground.  That team is declared the loser.

Legal / Illegal Slaps:

All slaps must be open handed.  You may not punch or make contact with the testicals with any part of your body below the wrist.  Slaps may be forehanded or backhanded.  You are allowed to size up opposing testicals carefully by cupping them or adjusting them to allow them for proper slapping.  If a flacid penis is blocking or guarding the testicals, you may adjust it or get it out of the slaps trajectory by any means necessary.

Cold Weather:

If in extreme cold weather a players testicals recedes into their body cavity, they are considered disqualified.

Sounds fun, doesn't it!  This exciting new sport will be taught weekly outside Lou's Manhole every Friday night from 2am till sunrise.  I hope to see you all playing 球が強く打った事の古代ゲーム as soon as possible!

Until then, Takeda out!

[Orgy]

HI could i be a trainee in this old art of ball slapping, i wish to become a master ball slapper so i can have ninja skills, so when i am walking on the street i can size-up, have the right jajectory to slap a ramdom by-standered without him seeing my arm even move.

[RSshruew]

Hiya, Sexton Nardswaller here!  My good mate Takeda Manamoto is in shambles after having his goolies gashed last night.  I wanted to speak on his behalf so tonight's round of 球が強く打った事の古代ゲーム  doesn't go all sixes and sevens!

Now, when you show up at Lou's Manhole, you don't have to play.  You can just take a butchers and see what's what.  If you know sod all about 球が強く打った事の古代ゲーム you don't want to get snookered by a pro.  If that happens, don't be a stroppy cow, swot up on the rules and come back and things will go tickety-boo in no time.

Enough of this ching wagging though, let's clarify some rules.

Yes, you have to be completely starkers when someone is slapping your goolies.  It would be a complete cock up if you didn't!  Surely you're not going to get squishy by having some bloke dekko you up, eh?

Also, you are not allowed to interfere with the swat.  So, no covering your willy!  That said, you don't have to go out of your way to allow your opponent an open shot.  But, if he asks you to stand a certain way, you must oblige.  Under no circumstances should you spend a penny when your being sized up!  But, in short, you can't skive your opponent.

Now, this should go without saying, but Sod's law says we gotta...  The slapper is not allowed to adorn their hands with any rings, brass knuckles, broken glass or the like.  You'll really drop a clanger if you break this rule!

Yes, when you're being sized up, your opponent can have a little How's Your Father with your todger.  This is legal, sometimes the only clear shot you can get is with a stonking stonker!


By now you've done a lot of swotting and want to learn some A-Level techniques.

You don't want to throw a spanner in the works with an illegal move.  The slap can be up/down left/right.  But, one motion and the goolies must be free to wave after the hit.  So, no jamming is jizzballs into the blokes body!

Well, I hope this has been helpful.  It woudl be ace to see you all down at Lou's from 2am to sunrise for a few rounds. 

Until then...  pip pip!

[RSshruew]

Hi Takeda here!  I'm back from a long absence!

Question for you - when you think of former major league pitcher and 1985 Cy Young Award Winner Dwight Gooden, which penis enhancement system do you think of?

Well, starting today, I want you to think of Takeda Manamoto's Penis Enhancement System Sponsored by Former Major League Pitcher and 1985 Cy Young award Winner Dwight Gooden.  Let's hear from Dwight Gooden himself on this:

"Hize wize jize ize flize ize hize ize!  PENIS!.........Takeda!"

Thanks Dwight.  Now, I know what you are asking.  When did Dwight Gooden become a fat white man?  Well, he's fallen on some hard times.  But, he had Dwight's ID and was doing cocain, so clealry he is former major league pitcher and 1985 Cy Young Award winner Dwight Gooden.

So, what exactly does Takeda Manamoto's Penis Enhancement System Sponsored by Former Major League Pitcher and 1985 Cy Young award Winner Dwight Gooden do for you?

Whether you need width, length, girth, height, density, or help with pre-mature, post-mature or force majeure ejaculation - Takeda Manamoto's Penis Enhancement System Sponsored by Former Major League Pitcher and 1985 Cy Young award Winner Dwight Gooden can help.

Each tablet is filled with my special blend of herbs, spices and proteins especially formulated to your penis enhancement needs.  But, this is not just a fancy pill in a plain glass bottle that might have once housed pickles.  This is just one part of the system!

You'll get this handy pamphlat with techniques to get your penis enhancement goals.  Such as page 14 here, I'll give it to you for free now.  Wear cut-off booty tight cargo shorts to make your penis appear larger.  That's just one of the handy tips you'll get with the Takeda Manamoto's Penis Enhancement System Sponsored by Former Major League Pitcher and 1985 Cy Young award Winner Dwight Gooden.

Dwight, would you like to add anything else?

"Size wize mize pize flize gize forty jize............PENIS!"

Haha, true words of wisdom.

So, order Takeda Manamoto's Penis Enhancement System Sponsored by Former Major League Pitcher and 1985 Cy Young award Winner Dwight Gooden today and please your special lady....or man....or perhaps farm animals in the legal counties of Alabama today.

[RSshruew]

Takeda here!  Back from another mysterious and long absence.  Where I was and what I did are things that you should not concern yourself with.  What I bring to you now is another life affirming and changing game.

It is a game of honor.  It is a game of pride.  It is a game of gamesmanship and outwitting your opponents.

It is a game my forefathers called: 私はこと排便とは思わない  !!!

Want to learn how to play?  Let’s start at….

STEP 3!!!

Peer into your opponents eyes.  Peer into their soul.  Understand their very being.  Be like the owl that watches the forest.  It learns its secrets.  And when the time is right…it will strike.  This is the consideration phase. 

Step 4!!!

As the bucket is presented in front of you, choose your words wisely.  Do you tell the truth?  Do you bluff?  The honor of your ancestors hang on your every word.  This is the presentation of the bucket phase.

Step 5!!!

Declare your intentions.  Is what is in the bucket yours?  Do you claim ownership?  This is where the consideration of step 3 comes into play.  Are your opponents worthy of seeing the truth in you?  Can you see the waiver?  Do they doubt?  When you made your decision – declare your intention!  This is the intention phase!

Step 6!!!

After declaring your intentions your opponents are thrust into the limelight and must decide.  Are you telling the truth?  Or are you lying?  Now they must choose!  This is the great moment phase of the game!

Step 7!!!

This is the time to decide your fate.  If your opponents have called your bluff then you must wear the bucket!  If your opponents are wrong – they must then wear the bucket and feel your shame!

That is how you play 私はこと排便とは思わない !!!!!!!!!

I hope you join me soon to play a round!

Also… Step 1 is where you eat spicy Mexican food with rancid meat.  Step 2 is where you shit in a bucket.

私はこと排便とは思わない !!!

“I don’t think I pooped that!!!” 

A game of honor.

[RS-LoveOfProfit]

I lol'd when 私はこと排便とは思わない made sense finally at the end. 

 The name does kind of give it away though.