State of July Awareness Day

I don’t believe in conspiracies.  I’m sorry, but Obama hasn’t been showing his weakness on the world stage in order to enable Russia to shoot down a Dutch airliner full of AIDS researchers just to throw the Republicans off of his Benghazi tracks.  He did it because of Obamacare.

Still, sometimes the evidence is just to clear to ignore.  July 22nd is National Ratchatcher’s day celebrating the Pied Piper of Hamelin that lured millions of rats out of Germany.  What did he do with all these rats?  Well, I’ll give you a hint – July 23rd is National Hot Dog Day.

In other news …  Fantasy Football is once again coming soon!

USA Has Soccer, or International Non-American Football, Fever

All across this great nation of ours, people are contracting a disease in the form of a fever.  A fever that can only be cured not with cowbell, but with soccer.  Or, as they say in Europe – Non-American Football.

Even though the US Men’s Team lost to Germany, they will still advance to the next round.  Why?  Because we’re Americans damn it and that’s how we roll…

Still, it is disappointing to see our boys not learn from history.  The only way you can defeat Germans is when you play them while they are simultaneously playing the Russians, British and French (ok, maybe the French can just be on the sidelines serving the Germans water).

May Day

May is almost over and I hope everyone had a great May Day.  May Day celebrates Aunt May’s capitulation to her communist ideals in Amazing Fantasy #15 in 1962.  No one suspected that this comic book character would create a world socialist movement that would get us a Kenyan President, death panels and Benghazi.  All worthy spider-man spawned scandals that are deserving of immense Congressional time and money, constant media attention and debate.  Clearly not topics that a lunatic fringe would invest time in promoting.  Note, I haven’t seen Spider-Man 2 yet, so I don’t know if any of these are debunked … no spoilers please.

Lose 1 Spacetime Hour

This weekend, March 9th, marks the start of daylight savings time in America where an hour disappears into the space time continuum.

Most people simply go about their day changing the 9,000 or so clocks they have around their house to adjust for this lost hour without ever thinking about the laws of quantum mechanics that cause all of this to happen.

For example, in the classic Moon Watcher paradox, if you were an astronaut on the moon at the precise moment that the hour is ‘lost’ you will, in fact, not lose that hour from your perception and when you returned back to Earth you would find out that you were indeed your own grandfather, second cousin and cleaning lady.  You can actually recreate this in the excellent Kerbel Space Program.

 

February Update

Let’s just all come out and admit it – February is a dumb month.  It’s always been a dumb month.  In Old English it was referred to as Solmonath (mud month) or Kale-monath (cabbage month).  Charlemagne called it Hornung (keep you nuts warm, boys!).  We call it February so grade school kids will get dinged for missing that first ‘R’ in spelling tests.  That’s just how much of a dick February is.

Of course, most people think of Feb for it’s marked occasions – most notably Estonian Independence Day (because most guys forget Valentine’s day – immie right galz?).

Anyway, let’s move on and forget this month, and this post, ever existed.

Angry Birds Versus My Little Ponies

It’s that time of year again…  the Super Bowl.  The greatest event in the history of all humanity!  A spectacular that brings out what’s great in all of America… Violence!  Beer!  Denegration of Women!

Let’s break down this match so you can place you bets with confidence with shruew’s Heuristical Algorithms For Triumph!

Everyone knows that Angry Birds HATE pigs and want to destroy them all.  This may cause them to lose focus on the ponies and spend too much time hating the pigskin prolate spheroid.  Those expecting a dominate air game from the angry birds should take note – Angry Birds don’t have wings!  They need to use a sling shot to fly and sling shots are stricly verboten in the Super Bowl!

But, what about the Ponies?  It’s tough to predict which version of that team will show up.  Will it be the Earth Ponies trying to dominate the land game?  The Pegasus Ponies trying to dominate the air game?  Or the So-Soft Ponies just showing up to be trampled on?

Let’s run the data through the sHAFT and see what we get….(beep bop boop boop beep wheep … ding!)

With 100% statistical confidence the sHAFT predicts the Angry Birds will win if they are able to score more points than the My Little Ponies.  Otherwise, the My Little Ponies will win.

Twas the Season

Twas the time of year that we reflect on that remarkable fellow born on Dec 25th who changed the world so much. A man who never once knew the sweet physical love of a woman and left no heirs (and seemed to spend a lot of close time with male friends, but I’m not implying anything there). A man whose written words are still studied closely to this day and his rules followed.

I’m talking, of course, about Sir Isaac Newton. The Apostle of Alchemcy. The Deliverer of Differentials. The Bishop of Binomials.

I hope everyone had a good time obeying the laws of physics as we gear up for yet another year of Ranger Squad. New games, new friends, same old complaints from Rom on game mechanics. It’s going to be great.

Unlike last year I will not be repeating my year’s worth of predictions as last year’s did not go so well…