Kickies and Passies

Today is the Super Bowl, the ultimate showdown of athleticism and sportsmanship in the known universe.  As far as Americans know, this is the most watched sporting event in the world with upwards of 150 million people (a few of them sober) watching.

Some folks may claim that “Soccer” – or American Kickies and Passies as the British call it, has more viewers as the recent Man City v Chelsea match had 650 million people watching it (even fewer sober) — but no one can figure out the metric conversion on that data.  So who knows?

As for the game itself, whether you’ve bet the house on the Seahawks or the New England Deflators — I just want a good, clean game.  Hopefully everyone out there will just have fun.  Keeping score isn’t even really required as that’s really secondary.

Angry Birds Versus My Little Ponies

It’s that time of year again…  the Super Bowl.  The greatest event in the history of all humanity!  A spectacular that brings out what’s great in all of America… Violence!  Beer!  Denegration of Women!

Let’s break down this match so you can place you bets with confidence with shruew’s Heuristical Algorithms For Triumph!

Everyone knows that Angry Birds HATE pigs and want to destroy them all.  This may cause them to lose focus on the ponies and spend too much time hating the pigskin prolate spheroid.  Those expecting a dominate air game from the angry birds should take note – Angry Birds don’t have wings!  They need to use a sling shot to fly and sling shots are stricly verboten in the Super Bowl!

But, what about the Ponies?  It’s tough to predict which version of that team will show up.  Will it be the Earth Ponies trying to dominate the land game?  The Pegasus Ponies trying to dominate the air game?  Or the So-Soft Ponies just showing up to be trampled on?

Let’s run the data through the sHAFT and see what we get….(beep bop boop boop beep wheep … ding!)

With 100% statistical confidence the sHAFT predicts the Angry Birds will win if they are able to score more points than the My Little Ponies.  Otherwise, the My Little Ponies will win.

Predictions for 2013

It’s time for some predictions for 2013. What will the year bring? shruew will tell you. Prepare yourself for:

  • Jan 18th – A new super deadly form of Space Herpes will be discovered and no cure will be found.
  • Feb 28th – Unable to deal with Space Herpes, Pope Benedict XVI will resign!
  • June 6th – Someone named Edward Snowden will disclose a lot of secret information. But, will keep the secret cure of Space Herpes to himself!
  • July 1st – Croatia will become a member of the European Union just before the entire country is wiped out by Space Herpes!
  • Aug 21st – In a valiant effort to wipe out Space Herpes Syrian president Bashar al-Assad makes the ultimate decisions to wipe out infected people with chemicle weapons.
  • Nov 16th – Blackhawks goalie Nikolai Khabibulin completes his 10th straight shutout and surely is not injured on this day. Also Space Herpes.
  • Nov 24th – Citing pressure from Space Herpes, Iran will agree to limit their nuclear development program!

I’m sure at least a couple will come true.  Let’s check back in a year!

TCC League Sign Up

Please see the TCC League Sign Up thread in the squad forums if you’re interested in some competition again.  LostPawn has taken up the thankless task of Captain’ing the team to get us organized.  Thanks.  Oh, I guess it’s not thankless anymore.

From what I recall the leagues go on for a while so even if you’re busy now sign up to get on the roster.

January Transfer Window Round Up

Ranger Squad added two new combatants in the 2012 January transfer window.  Both acquired as free transfers, RS added thecircusbOy and LostPawn.

Despite persistent rumors that LoveOfProfit would be lured back to his native lands and join Wisła Kraków, insider sources reveal that negotiations never got passed the informal enquiry phase.

Overall the transfer window will be remembered as tame, perhaps due to the new Fair Play rules curtailing unbridled transfer spending.

How these new transfers will translate to success in the remaining ’11/’12 BF3 season remains to be sign. But, predictions run from insanely successfully to ridiculously successful.  Surely.

Official Announcement

We here at Ranger Squad regret to inform that LeBron James will not be joining Ranger Squad for the upcoming season.  Though we felt we made a very strong offer, including the use of our famed Dairy Queen Discount Card without the usual 90 day waiting period, LeBron opted to take his talents elsewhere.  (We believe were are the only team to offer the DQDC).

Others have certainly noted that perhaps LeBron showed a lack of loyalty and character in making this decision, we here at Ranger Squad will not join in the choir.  No, we wish him the best of  luck and when we see him in the virtual field of combat we will not intentionally teabag him after the inevitable frag.

With the money freed from LeBron James not signing, we would now like to announce or full efforts will be towards signing Ilya Kovalchuk to the squad.

Thank You,

Ranger Squad Management and Trained Monkey Clowns